1. Remember that when someone reacts negatively to you, it may be his or her irrational thinking that is at the heart of the disapproval.
2. If the criticism is valid, this need not destroy you. You can pinpoint your error and take steps to correct it. You can learn from your mistakes, and you don’t have to be ashamed of them. If you are human, then you should and must make mistakes at times.
3. If you have goofed up, it does not follow that you are a BORN LOSER. It is impossible to be wrong all the time or even most of the time. Think about the thousands of things you have done right in your life! Furthermore, you can change and grow.
4. Other people cannot judge your worth as a human being, only the validity or merit of specific things you do or say.
5. Everyone will judge you differently no matter how well you do or how badly you might behave. Disapproval cannot spread like wildfire, and one rejection cannot lead to a never-ending series of rejections. So even if worse comes to worst and you do get rejected by someone, you can’t end up totally alone.
6. Disapproval and criticism are usually uncomfortable, but the discomfort will pass. Stop moping. Get involved in an activity you’ve enjoyed in the past even though you feel certain it’s absolutely pointless to start.
7. Criticism and disapproval can upset you only to the extent that you “buy into” the accusations being brought against you.
8. Disapproval is rarely permanent. It doesn’t follow that your relationship with the person who disapproves of you will necessarily end just because you are being criticized. Arguments are a part of living, and in the majority of cases you can come to a common understanding later on.
9. If you are criticizing someone else, it doesn’t make that person totally bad. Why give another individual the power and right to judge you? We’re all just human beings, not Supreme Court justices. Don’t magnify other people until they are larger than life.
필링굿 인정중독 챕터에서 퍼옴.
이 책을 읽다 문득 심리학 책을 아무리 읽어도 스스로의 삶이 그대로인 이유는 한 사람의 관계 패턴이라는 게 책 읽는다고 바뀌는 게 아니라는 점이 떠올랐다.
필링굿이 좋은 책이고 이 책을 활용한 독서치료의 효과가 경험적으로 검증이 되었다고 하지만 책을 통해 역기능을 초래하고 있는 성격의 측면들이 바뀌기란 요원한 일이다. 책 읽고 바뀔 사람이었으면 책 안 읽었어도 바뀌었을 거다.
그래도 이 책은 재미있다. 성경의 잠언 같은 지혜서라고 해야 할까.