To put it succinctly, if people criticize you the comments they make will be right or wrong. If the comments are wrong, there is really nothing for you to be upset about. Think about that for a minute! Many patients have come to me in tears, angry and upset because a loved one made a critical comment to them that was thoughtless and inaccurate. Such a reaction is unnecessary. Why should you be disturbed if someone else makes the mistake of criticizing you in an unjust manner? That’s the other guy’s error, not yours. Why upset yourself? Did you expect that other people would be perfect? On the other hand, if the criticism is accurate, there is still no reason for you to feel overwhelmed. You’re not expected to be perfect. Just acknowledge your error and take whatever steps you can to correct it. It sounds simple (and it is!), but it may take some effort to transform this insight into an emotional reality.
Of course, you may fear criticism because you feel you need the love and approval of other people in order to be worthwhile and happy. The problem with this point of view is that you’ll have to devote all your energies to trying to please people, and you won’t have much left for creative, productive living. Paradoxically, many people may find you less interesting and desirable than your more self-assured friends.
필링굿, 1999년판, 133-134쪽.
댓글