1. The Narcissistic Parent
A parent without empathy is like a surgeon operating with dull tools in poor lighting. The results are likely to produce scarring.
2. The Authoritarian Parent
However, Dr. Baumrind is careful to point out that not all authoritarian parents are abusive. I, however, would venture to say that all authoritarian parents are by definition emotionally neglectful.
It could be that her authoritarian ways are based on a desperate attempt to manage five small children.
The problem with Renee’s dad was that his yelling was loud, and it was mean. It was powered by the feeling that his daughter, by not reacting immediately to his demand, did not love him. He was trying to get his needs met (the need to feel respected and loved) and convey to Renee that she’d better do as he says.
Unfortunately, what he actually did was convey to her that her needs were not only inconsequential but also offensive. Renee blamed herself for having unacceptable needs rather than her father for being unreasonable.
3. The Permissive Parent
Audrey blamed herself for all of these difficulties. Her parents’ near-complete absence in her adolescent years fooled her into thinking that her parents had no influence upon her, either positive or negative. Who, then, could be to blame other than herself? It’s hard to see that what’s NOT THERE can be more important than what IS there.
4. The Bereaved Parent
5. The Addicted Parent
Simply put, what harms children of functional, addicted parents is this: they are behaving like two people. And the child cannot always predict which side of her addicted parent is going to show up.
Being a good parent most of the time and a horrible parent once in awhile creates insecure, anxious adults who are just waiting for things to go wrong.
2장을 절반 절도 읽었습니다.
정서적 방임과 관련 있는 부모 유형이 나오는데, 저는 2번에 가깝지 않은가 반성하면서 읽었습니다.
지난 글에서도 언급했지만 이 책의 저자는 누구를 비판하고자 이 책을 쓴 것이 아닙니다.
인간으로서 누구나 결점을 지닐 수밖에 없고 그러한 결점은 부모-자녀 상호작용을 통해 후손에게 대물림되기 쉽습니다.
이 좋지 않은 사슬을 끊는다는 것은 생각처럼 쉬운 일이 아닙니다.
하지만 우리 부모를 이해하고 나 자신을 이해하고 내가 자녀에게 미치는 좋지 못한 영향력을 인지함으로써 악영향을 줄여나갈 여지가 있습니다.
2장을 읽으면서 제 안의 권위주의적인 면이 아이의 욕구나 감정을 읽기를 저해하고 있음을 반성하게 됩니다.
부모로서 미숙함이 많음을 인지하고 어설픈 훈육보다는 차라리 많이 놀아주고 더 많이 허용하는 태도가 낫지 않나 돌아보며 아이 대하는 태도를 바꾸는 데 많은 영향을 받은 챕터입니다.
저자가 글을 쉽게 쓰고, 또 공감되게 전달하는 능력이 있네요.
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